Not Alone

Okay, so I've been wanting to start a Bible study. This year has been kinda crazy so far though, due to all my travelling. As such, I've not been able to devote a whole lot of time talking to God and other people about it, or working towards that goal. But recently, I tried talking to my parents about it. I mostly just came away feeling frustrated. I was afraid they might try to take over and I wanted it to be my Bible study and I didn't want any help, etc. (Which, for the record, is all completely ridiculous.)

Over the course of events and through talking to a close friend, I suddenly realized what should have been blatantly obvious to me already - whenever I thought about the Bible study, whenever I tried to talk to someone about it, somehow the focus had shifted from God to me. I wasn't trying to start this study group for God. I was trying to start it to prove to myself, to my family, to my friends, that I could do this great thing without anyone's help. Which of course, entirely defeats the whole purpose of a Bible study. 

Today, as I was reading my Bible, God made another point. I'm doing an Exodus/life of Moses study with this blog called She Reads Truth. Today's study was titled, "Moses and Jethro". I read the scripture and started reading the blog post, and  was almost immediately turned off. "Not another young mom post," I groaned inwardly. But as I continued reading, it wasn't just about the experience of a young mom. It was about the simple fact that we can't do this life thing alone. 

I may want to believe that that I can do something great in my own strength, but the fact is, I'm going to need my own Jethro. Someone who can help me as I try to do something new, who will keep me on track and point out when something I'm doing is about to crash and burn. My Jethro may be my mom, maybe a friend, or maybe even someone I don't know yet. I'm confident God will point out the who in time. He's just preparing me to accept the Jethro He gives me.

I just had to smile wryly when I read that post this morning. God told me gently, once more, "You can't do it alone." But that's okay, because I was never intended to do it alone.

Dude, I sure love God a lot.

Travelling And Other Stuff

I sort of have an excuse for being gone so long this time.

I did a lot of travelling this year, way more than I've ever done. I visited six states, four of which I hadn't been to before. It was all a pretty awesome experience. I met one of my closest friends in person for the first time, so that was more than kind of epic. All in all, I had way too much fun and I found that along with loving the idea of travel, I also love to actually do it.

I learned a lot. It's extremely easy to get lost in an airport. (Or at least it is easy for me.) Texas has a lot more palm trees than I expected. Michiganders are not as immune to the cold as they've tried to lead the world to believe.

But mostly, God just proved over and over again that He is awesome, and He is enough. Life hasn't been particularly easy. I kind of wanted to just forget about my life here and have new experiences and meet new people and pretend I didn't have a swarm of problems that were waiting to pounce on me as soon as I laid down at night. But the fact is, my life didn't want to leave me alone, and my problems followed me. But so did God. He didn't leave me to deal with things by myself. He didn't stay behind when I left home. He came with me, and He put awesome people in my path to help me and encourage me when all I wanted to do was melt into a puddle of tears. Did He have to do that? No. But He did, because He's good and He loves me.

No matter what you're going through right now, God knows about it. And He's not going to leave you to deal with it alone. Keep seeking Him. He can bring amazing blessings along when you least expect it and when you most need it. Don't give up on Him, because He'll never give up on you.

Love One Another

So...I've been having a bit of trouble lately with this command.

I normally get along with basically everyone. But I have this awesome friend who loves the Lord and is growing in her spiritual walk with Him, but - I just don't get along with her. I don't think it's even her fault. In all honesty, it's probably a matter of my pride more than anything else.

That being said - "love one another" is something that keeps coming to my mind. I tell myself I love her in Christ even though my flesh disagrees, but - do I? I know most of the time, even though I can usually put on a show outwardly, inside I really don't love her the way I need to. And if I'm not showing God's love to her, then I'm not following His commands.

So keeping this in mind, I went over to 1st John and I read through it, underlining every time the words "love," "loveth," and "loved" appeared. Today I did the same thing in 2nd and 3rd John. Guess what? In all 3 books (which is only 7 chapters) those 3 little words occurred 49 times. 45 of those were found in 1st John (5 chapters). So love is kind of a central theme.

A phrase that appeared more than once was: "Love one another." But we aren't just commanded to love each other. We have a reason for loving. And that of course is because Christ loved us enough to make the ultimate sacrifice - giving up His sinless life for His sinful creation. I could go on basically all day about how incredible that is, and what a wonderful God we have. And those are both fantastic truths. But what does God's love mean if we don't do anything with it? How can you show the world His amazing love if you're keeping it to yourself? How does it prove how incredible and life-changing that love is if we are only loving those who are easy to love? That's no different from the world. Unsaved people can love those who are easy to love.

Now that I've had these truths brought to mind once more, am I automatically filled with an overwhelming feeling of love for my friend? Well, not really. But it does mean that I have once again been reminded that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Phil. 4:13), and that love is not just a feeling - it's also a choice. I'm choosing to love my friend in spite of not yet having much of the feeling. Making the choice to follow God's command is the first step - He can supply the feeling aterwards.

So - if you want to show the world what one way that God's love can change people is, you have to love everyone, not just the easy-to-love people. Because loving when it's not easy - that's different love. That's supernatural love.

That's God's love.

It's Okay

I didn't get the job. 

But the funny thing is, I'm really not nearly as upset as I thought I would be. Yeah, I'm disappointed, but I can already see good things coming of me not being accepted. I'm behind in school, but I really want to graduate next year. I can devote more time to studying in the summer without a job. I would have missed my friend's senior piano recital (which I may still miss, but for other reasons...) and the graduation of several of my childhood friends. These are just a few reasons that God has shown me for keeping me here, instead of where I thought He wanted me.

And really, I'm okay with it. 

If I can bring more glory to my God by staying home all summer and not working, so be it. I said in an earlier blog post that I want this to be my year of surrender. I've already been tested several times even though we're still in the first half of 2016, and I guess this is just another test. 

Some wise words from the fabulous Disney movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium come to mind: "We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy, and bravery." 

I fall. I mess up, more often than I'd like to admit. I don't always trust. But it's okay. God knows we can't be perfect.

That's why God gives grace. I think it's got to be just about the most beautiful gift He has given to His broken creation. 

I'm Scared

I'm terrified, actually.

See, I sent in an application to work at a Christian camp a couple weeks ago. And I received an email yesterday asking when would be a good time for a phone interview.

Okay.

If you are an introvert (and perhaps even if you're not) you will understand what I'm about to say:

I hate phone calls.

I get all freaked out and sweaty and self conscious and it's dreadful.

I've spent the time since reading the email internally screaming and praying and otherwise wishing I was anyone but me.

As I was sitting on the super soft rug in the house that we're staying in currently for vacation, halfheartedly attempting to stop crying, my eyes caught sight of a framed verse on the wall. It was Jeremiah 17:7 which reads, "Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is."

I didn't have an overwhelming sense of peace by reading the words. I didn't suddenly feel like my life was all in place. I didn't lose my fear of phones.

I did, however, realize (yet again) what I was failing to do: trust.

Trust. Such an easy word to say, yet so difficult to live out.

I don't know if I'll get this job. I do know that I really want it. In spite of being terrified out of my mind at the prospect of a phone call with a stranger. In spite of having almost no idea what to expect. In spite of everything, I want this job so badly it's not even funny.

I know that God knows what He's doing, even though most of the time I don't know what that is. And I'm actually becoming okay with that.

So now that I've left tears behind for the time being, I'm going to leave it at the feet of Jesus. He knows my fear, however ridiculous it may be. He knows my desire. He has a plan for my life.

If I want to keep worrying my head off, that's my problem. I'm merely robbing myself of peace if I don't relinquish what I see as my "hold" on this situation to the only One who does have a hold on it. Because really - I have no control over it in the first place. God is the one who will decide what happens. If I work, great. If not, great.

I will leave you with this final thought:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee." - Isaiah 26:3

My God is so Big, so Strong, and so Mighty...

Okay.

So, I'm in Florida right now for my big sister's senior art show at Pensacola Christian College. And the school was having Bible Conference this same weekend.

I didn't particularly want to go tonight - there were two services back to back.

But I am so glad that I went. I heard exactly what I needed to hear.

The last sermon was preached by Dr. Jeff Redlin. The central theme was, "My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." The first two points of the message were good too, even though I can't tell you exactly what they were. (I ended up getting separated from my notebook and was unable to take notes (much to my dismay)). But what God really impressed to me was the third and final point: "My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty, that He cares about the minutia of your life."

To me, that was one of the most profound things I'd ever heard. Don't get me wrong - I know this stuff. I was raised in a wonderful Christian home and was taught this since I took my first breath. I sang the song and did the motions when I was little. But sometimes, I become so used to hearing "God cares about every area of your life" that it almost - loses its meaning. I become desensitized to it. I know it's true, but I still find it easy to forget the incredible truth there.

The God who created this entire universe...the God who made our solar system, our planet, and everything and everyone on it - yes, that very God cares about every single detail of my teensy, absurd, messy, little life. And not just mine, but yours too. Yes, you, the beautiful, complicated person reading this post.

You are incredible. You are loved. You are beautiful. But best of all, if you know Christ as your personal Saviour - you've got a God who has it all figured out, even when you don't know the next step to take. And He truly cares about every single detail of your life.

And I just wanted to share that with you.

Stop and Breathe

I'm sitting here being a little overwhelmed (or maybe a lot) by the 101 tasks I need to accomplish this morning and the 99 world problems to solve. It seemed like an opportune moment to write a blog post.

I just read Isaiah 51:6 which says, "Lift up your eyes to the heavens, and look upon the earth beneath: for the heavens shall vanish away like smoke, and the earth shall wax old like a garment, and they that dwell therein shall die in like manner: but My salvation shall be for ever, and My righteousness shall not be abolished." (KJV) Basically, I'm being reminded once again that this life won't last forever. This life is not all there is. One day I'm going to wake up in Heaven and the things I did or did not accomplish here won't really matter. What will matter is what I did for the Lord in the time He gave me.

So if you've been freaking out and stressing over something you need to get done, I invite you to take a step back from it and remember how to breathe. Read a Psalm, eat some food. (Especially if you accidentally skipped breakfast like I did.) Your life and everything in it will work out in God's way and in His timing. Obviously we still have to be the ones to put in effort, but it's okay and often very relieving to take a step back once in a while and say, "You know what? God's got this."