I'm Scared

I'm terrified, actually.

See, I sent in an application to work at a Christian camp a couple weeks ago. And I received an email yesterday asking when would be a good time for a phone interview.

Okay.

If you are an introvert (and perhaps even if you're not) you will understand what I'm about to say:

I hate phone calls.

I get all freaked out and sweaty and self conscious and it's dreadful.

I've spent the time since reading the email internally screaming and praying and otherwise wishing I was anyone but me.

As I was sitting on the super soft rug in the house that we're staying in currently for vacation, halfheartedly attempting to stop crying, my eyes caught sight of a framed verse on the wall. It was Jeremiah 17:7 which reads, "Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is."

I didn't have an overwhelming sense of peace by reading the words. I didn't suddenly feel like my life was all in place. I didn't lose my fear of phones.

I did, however, realize (yet again) what I was failing to do: trust.

Trust. Such an easy word to say, yet so difficult to live out.

I don't know if I'll get this job. I do know that I really want it. In spite of being terrified out of my mind at the prospect of a phone call with a stranger. In spite of having almost no idea what to expect. In spite of everything, I want this job so badly it's not even funny.

I know that God knows what He's doing, even though most of the time I don't know what that is. And I'm actually becoming okay with that.

So now that I've left tears behind for the time being, I'm going to leave it at the feet of Jesus. He knows my fear, however ridiculous it may be. He knows my desire. He has a plan for my life.

If I want to keep worrying my head off, that's my problem. I'm merely robbing myself of peace if I don't relinquish what I see as my "hold" on this situation to the only One who does have a hold on it. Because really - I have no control over it in the first place. God is the one who will decide what happens. If I work, great. If not, great.

I will leave you with this final thought:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee." - Isaiah 26:3

My God is so Big, so Strong, and so Mighty...

Okay.

So, I'm in Florida right now for my big sister's senior art show at Pensacola Christian College. And the school was having Bible Conference this same weekend.

I didn't particularly want to go tonight - there were two services back to back.

But I am so glad that I went. I heard exactly what I needed to hear.

The last sermon was preached by Dr. Jeff Redlin. The central theme was, "My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." The first two points of the message were good too, even though I can't tell you exactly what they were. (I ended up getting separated from my notebook and was unable to take notes (much to my dismay)). But what God really impressed to me was the third and final point: "My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty, that He cares about the minutia of your life."

To me, that was one of the most profound things I'd ever heard. Don't get me wrong - I know this stuff. I was raised in a wonderful Christian home and was taught this since I took my first breath. I sang the song and did the motions when I was little. But sometimes, I become so used to hearing "God cares about every area of your life" that it almost - loses its meaning. I become desensitized to it. I know it's true, but I still find it easy to forget the incredible truth there.

The God who created this entire universe...the God who made our solar system, our planet, and everything and everyone on it - yes, that very God cares about every single detail of my teensy, absurd, messy, little life. And not just mine, but yours too. Yes, you, the beautiful, complicated person reading this post.

You are incredible. You are loved. You are beautiful. But best of all, if you know Christ as your personal Saviour - you've got a God who has it all figured out, even when you don't know the next step to take. And He truly cares about every single detail of your life.

And I just wanted to share that with you.