I'm Scared

I'm terrified, actually.

See, I sent in an application to work at a Christian camp a couple weeks ago. And I received an email yesterday asking when would be a good time for a phone interview.

Okay.

If you are an introvert (and perhaps even if you're not) you will understand what I'm about to say:

I hate phone calls.

I get all freaked out and sweaty and self conscious and it's dreadful.

I've spent the time since reading the email internally screaming and praying and otherwise wishing I was anyone but me.

As I was sitting on the super soft rug in the house that we're staying in currently for vacation, halfheartedly attempting to stop crying, my eyes caught sight of a framed verse on the wall. It was Jeremiah 17:7 which reads, "Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is."

I didn't have an overwhelming sense of peace by reading the words. I didn't suddenly feel like my life was all in place. I didn't lose my fear of phones.

I did, however, realize (yet again) what I was failing to do: trust.

Trust. Such an easy word to say, yet so difficult to live out.

I don't know if I'll get this job. I do know that I really want it. In spite of being terrified out of my mind at the prospect of a phone call with a stranger. In spite of having almost no idea what to expect. In spite of everything, I want this job so badly it's not even funny.

I know that God knows what He's doing, even though most of the time I don't know what that is. And I'm actually becoming okay with that.

So now that I've left tears behind for the time being, I'm going to leave it at the feet of Jesus. He knows my fear, however ridiculous it may be. He knows my desire. He has a plan for my life.

If I want to keep worrying my head off, that's my problem. I'm merely robbing myself of peace if I don't relinquish what I see as my "hold" on this situation to the only One who does have a hold on it. Because really - I have no control over it in the first place. God is the one who will decide what happens. If I work, great. If not, great.

I will leave you with this final thought:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee." - Isaiah 26:3