I'm Scared

I'm terrified, actually.

See, I sent in an application to work at a Christian camp a couple weeks ago. And I received an email yesterday asking when would be a good time for a phone interview.

Okay.

If you are an introvert (and perhaps even if you're not) you will understand what I'm about to say:

I hate phone calls.

I get all freaked out and sweaty and self conscious and it's dreadful.

I've spent the time since reading the email internally screaming and praying and otherwise wishing I was anyone but me.

As I was sitting on the super soft rug in the house that we're staying in currently for vacation, halfheartedly attempting to stop crying, my eyes caught sight of a framed verse on the wall. It was Jeremiah 17:7 which reads, "Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is."

I didn't have an overwhelming sense of peace by reading the words. I didn't suddenly feel like my life was all in place. I didn't lose my fear of phones.

I did, however, realize (yet again) what I was failing to do: trust.

Trust. Such an easy word to say, yet so difficult to live out.

I don't know if I'll get this job. I do know that I really want it. In spite of being terrified out of my mind at the prospect of a phone call with a stranger. In spite of having almost no idea what to expect. In spite of everything, I want this job so badly it's not even funny.

I know that God knows what He's doing, even though most of the time I don't know what that is. And I'm actually becoming okay with that.

So now that I've left tears behind for the time being, I'm going to leave it at the feet of Jesus. He knows my fear, however ridiculous it may be. He knows my desire. He has a plan for my life.

If I want to keep worrying my head off, that's my problem. I'm merely robbing myself of peace if I don't relinquish what I see as my "hold" on this situation to the only One who does have a hold on it. Because really - I have no control over it in the first place. God is the one who will decide what happens. If I work, great. If not, great.

I will leave you with this final thought:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee." - Isaiah 26:3

My God is so Big, so Strong, and so Mighty...

Okay.

So, I'm in Florida right now for my big sister's senior art show at Pensacola Christian College. And the school was having Bible Conference this same weekend.

I didn't particularly want to go tonight - there were two services back to back.

But I am so glad that I went. I heard exactly what I needed to hear.

The last sermon was preached by Dr. Jeff Redlin. The central theme was, "My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." The first two points of the message were good too, even though I can't tell you exactly what they were. (I ended up getting separated from my notebook and was unable to take notes (much to my dismay)). But what God really impressed to me was the third and final point: "My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty, that He cares about the minutia of your life."

To me, that was one of the most profound things I'd ever heard. Don't get me wrong - I know this stuff. I was raised in a wonderful Christian home and was taught this since I took my first breath. I sang the song and did the motions when I was little. But sometimes, I become so used to hearing "God cares about every area of your life" that it almost - loses its meaning. I become desensitized to it. I know it's true, but I still find it easy to forget the incredible truth there.

The God who created this entire universe...the God who made our solar system, our planet, and everything and everyone on it - yes, that very God cares about every single detail of my teensy, absurd, messy, little life. And not just mine, but yours too. Yes, you, the beautiful, complicated person reading this post.

You are incredible. You are loved. You are beautiful. But best of all, if you know Christ as your personal Saviour - you've got a God who has it all figured out, even when you don't know the next step to take. And He truly cares about every single detail of your life.

And I just wanted to share that with you.

Stop and Breathe

I'm sitting here being a little overwhelmed (or maybe a lot) by the 101 tasks I need to accomplish this morning and the 99 world problems to solve. It seemed like an opportune moment to write a blog post.

I just read Isaiah 51:6 which says, "Lift up your eyes to the heavens, and look upon the earth beneath: for the heavens shall vanish away like smoke, and the earth shall wax old like a garment, and they that dwell therein shall die in like manner: but My salvation shall be for ever, and My righteousness shall not be abolished." (KJV) Basically, I'm being reminded once again that this life won't last forever. This life is not all there is. One day I'm going to wake up in Heaven and the things I did or did not accomplish here won't really matter. What will matter is what I did for the Lord in the time He gave me.

So if you've been freaking out and stressing over something you need to get done, I invite you to take a step back from it and remember how to breathe. Read a Psalm, eat some food. (Especially if you accidentally skipped breakfast like I did.) Your life and everything in it will work out in God's way and in His timing. Obviously we still have to be the ones to put in effort, but it's okay and often very relieving to take a step back once in a while and say, "You know what? God's got this."

Adela's Curse Cover Reveal

So, I was invited by a friend of mine to take part in her newest novel's cover reveal! She's a really awesome person and you should definitely check out her blog, The Overactive Imagination (I mean, that's a seriously awesome name. Why wouldn't you want to click the link?)

Without further delay, I present...

cover art by Jocelyn Banschbach

(Isn't it gorgeous? Yes it is. Thank you for agreeing.)

Synopsis 

A witch and her master capture a young faery and command her to kill their enemy. Adela has no choice but to obey. If she does not, they will force the location of her people’s mountain home from her and kill her. To make matters even worse, the person she is to kill is only a man struggling to save his dying land and mend a broken heart. 

Count Stefan is a man simply trying to forget the woman he loves and save a land crippled by drought. When a mysterious woman arrives at his castle claiming to be a seamstress, he knows she is more than she seems. 

Adela enlists the help of Damian, another faery, to try and delay the inevitable. He insists she has a choice. But with the witch controlling her every move, does she?

Author Bio

Claire Banschbach was born and raised in Midland, TX, the fourth of eight children. She was homeschooled through high school and is now a proud member of the Texas A&M University class of 2014. She is currently working on her Doctorate of Physical Therapy at Texas Tech University Health Science Center. She continues to write in her spare time (and often when she doesn’t have spare time). She hopes her strong foundation in God will help to guide her writing.

Contact Info (be sure to check this stuff out!)

Claire on Facebook
Claire on Twitter
Claire on Goodreads

Adela's Curse on Goodreads

Thanks for reading this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. Don't forget to keep your eyes peeled for the release of this novel...

Coming March 8th, 2016! 

(Belated) New Year's Post

Well, here I am again. First post of the year (and about time, too.)

This starts off as my story. 

I am not a very good or a very nice person. I am extremely weird. I have a pretty low opinion of myself. I have had depression for the last several months, for many different reasons which I'm not really going to go into as I don't even know all the reasons. So anyway, lately I've been talking to an amazing friend of mine. We see many things differently, but she has helped me a lot. I have another really good friend that has also been helping me a ton. Now, both these girls have been on my case. They told me I didn't need to have such a low opinion of myself. And I knew they were right, I just didn't really know what to do about it. But I decided I would try. (Frankly, it's downright exhausting to dislike yourself and beat yourself up all the time.) So I tried to change my view of me. I tried to think better of myself. And I didn't realize it until recently, but this was not working out at all. And while I was so busy trying to change my view of me, I started changing myself, too, and not in a good way.

I had the sudden realization that, surprise, surprise! I wasn't happy with the girl I was becoming. She - that is, me - has been becoming more obnoxious than ever. I've been more prone to babbling to my siblings about useless things and not taking the time to truly listen to them. I've let my near-constant tiredness effect how I respond to others. I've found myself caring less and less about things and people and their problems than I used to. And there's other changes that I can't think of right now, but they weren't good ones. All in all, I like myself even less than I did before I set out to change my view. So my journey of self-discovery or whatever you would call it failed epically. Because I was too focused on me.

I thought I was surrendered to Christ. I really did. I surrendered at camp. I re-surrendered more than once since. But while I said the words and felt good about it and thought I was doing the "right thing", the "Christian thing", I didn't actually move from my place at the helm of my heart. I stayed there. Today, I realized that there was a lot God didn't have a say in. If me trying to live my own life and embrace who I am and so on is only leading to frustration, exhaustion, and hopelessness, maybe it's time for a change.

I don't want 2016 to be a repeat of last year. I learned a lot through my struggles in 2015, and I know God will use those lessons in my life. But I want to move on to a new page and not have to repeat those lessons. Michelle being the captain didn't end so well.

So I'm done. I'm done living for me. I'm done living my story.

I want this to be a year of surrender. 

God, this is Your year to work a miracle in the life of a distraught almost 17-year-old weirdo. This is Your year to make something beautiful out of a huge mess. This is the year I start living Your story, instead of my own. 

This is Your year to have all of me. 

God created butterflies with the ability to pollinate, fly, and be beautiful. But you don't see a butterfly trying to swim in the water because it believes it should be a fish. No. The butterfly knows it's purpose and it glorifies God in fulfilling that purpose. Why should my life be any different? If I live my life believing I should be something I'm not, and ignore what God has given me, am I any different than a butterfly trying to be a fish? I am free to be who God created me to be. I find that a comforting truth.

What Do I "Glory" In?

Galatians 6:14 ~

"But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by Whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world." (KJV)

I often glory in my own "good works". I think I've done something amazing if I sacrifice what I want to do in order to do something more important, when in reality that's nothing special. 

The God of the universe gave His only Song to die on the cross for my sins! Now that's a real sacrifice. 

So why am I proud of myself for making small sacrifices that really don't mean anything in comparison to the greatest sacrifice in the history of mankind? Christ had to be absolutely selfless to be willing to die on the cross for all humanity. He died for every single person on this planet, past, present, and future. He died for those would would never believe on Hum; even those who reviled and blasphemed His holy name. Even those who desire nothing but the destruction of all true Christianity. He died for them, too. God is "not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9b) That's true love. That's true sacrifice. Who am I to be proud of my own frivolous good deeds? Who am I to glory in my own flesh?

My prayer - and every Christian's prayer - should be to seek His glory above our own. 

Glory in Him.